A Promise Kept: Val, Gabe and Joana’s Caregiving Story

We extend our heartfelt thanks to Val, Gabe, and Joana for welcoming us into their home and being willing to share their experiences. We hope that by sharing their journey, others who find themselves in similar situations can find inspiration, support, and encouragement to build their own networks of care and connection.

“If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be in a nursing home, if I’m being honest.”

That’s Gabe, talking about his sister-in-law, Val. She is his caregiver, and these days she cares for his mother, Joana, too.

Today, the three of them share a split ranch along with Val’s husband Ed, their son, and their granddaughter. The family bought the house together, pooling their money and resources so everyone could stay under one roof.

A promise made

Gabe has cerebral palsy along with developmental and cognitive delays. He can’t read or write, but he has always found a way to do the things he loves. He enjoys getting fresh air and taking his wheelchair into town, he tends his fish tank, and he’d spend all day in the water if you let him.

For more than three decades, Joana, Gabe’s mother, was his primary caregiver. She tended to his every need, from helping him bathe and dress to carrying him up three flights of stairs to their apartment before he had crutches. So as Joana got older and when Val and Ed’s relationship got serious, Gabe’s future was part of the conversation. Joana gave her blessing to the marriage, and Val made her a promise: she would take care of Gabe, too, and she would never put him in a nursing home. Later, when Joana needed more help herself, Val took her in as well. “It’s 100% her wish,” Val said of Joana.

But Val isn’t keeping that promise only for Joana. It’s what Gabe wants, too. “I prefer being home right now instead of a nursing home,” he said.

Val has kept that promise, and being home means she isn’t rushed and forced to choose between being present for Joana or Gabe and getting to work. When Joana or Gabe is having a bad day, she can stop and listen. “I’m able to give Joana and Gabe the time that they need,” she said. 

Care that goes both ways

Val’s days have a steady rhythm: getting Joana and Gabe up and ready, breakfast, lunch, walks, dinner at 5:00, and bedtime at 8:00. “It’s like a clock. You just do it,” Val said. Behind it is a lot of coordination, and Val handles all of it: doctor’s appointments, Meals on Wheels, groceries, laundry, and whatever else comes up. She also looks for ways to let Joana and Gabe keep their independence. Gabe likes to do things on his own, and Val makes room for it.

For Gabe, what stands out is how Val has always made sure he’s included, and never made him feel like his disability is a burden. He remembers the first time she insisted he join the family on a trip to Six Flags. He told her he’d only be a bother. “She goes, ‘You better be ready by ten o’clock,’” Gabe said. “So I was ready by ten o’clock.” Val wanted Gabe to feel like a part of the family. Just because he needs help doesn’t mean he shouldn’t get to enjoy life. It took him a long time to trust her, he says, but now he thinks of her like a sister. “When she says, ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she means it to the bottom of her heart.”

Almost 20 years with Careforth

Val joined Careforth’s Adult Foster Care program in 2007. Michelle has been their care manager for 15 of those years. 

Fifteen years builds a different kind of relationship. Michelle remembers when Val was hesitant to pick up the phone and ask for help. Now Michelle is one of the first people Val calls when things get overwhelming, and Michelle says she always feels welcome in their home. “She’ll listen to me, and she don’t judge,” Val said. “She’s got a heart of gold.”

That trust shows up in the practical help, too. Michelle helped the family find ways to exercise, including an exercise bike for Gabe, and she connected them with resources for food and electricity. She has also shared strategies to help Val support Gabe through his frustrations, and Val says Michelle can help bring the tension down on his hard days. Michelle says Gabe has grown a great deal in that time. He’s learned to express big emotions in healthier ways, and he’s now outgrowing some of the services he once relied on and looking for new ways to be independent. Moments like that are what make the work worth it for Michelle. At the end of the day, she says, she can go home knowing she made a difference in someone’s life.

The everyday problem-solving matters just as much. When Gabe’s wheelchair recently broke, Michelle helped connect Val to the right resources to get answers. “That’s another thing added on to your stress of your daily work that you do,” Val said. “And that’s one thing that Careforth does is they try to relieve that off your shoulders to help you with that stress.”

The family couldn’t be happier with Careforth.  “I will never change from Careforth,” she said. “Careforth has changed my life drastically because I’m able to stay home and do that.” Without the program, she’d have to work a 40-hour job, and Joana and Gabe wouldn’t be able to stay home. After almost 20 years, she says, it’s “like a weight off your shoulders.”

Making room for herself

With so many people depending on her, Val has a hard time putting herself first. Michelle says that’s her biggest challenge. Val puts everyone else ahead of herself, and she feels guilty when she steps away. Michelle gently pushes her to make time for herself.

Michelle also encouraged Val to have an alternate caregiver, her sister Jen, so there’s always someone who can step in. That way Val can take a break and recharge, knowing Joana and Gabe are in good hands. These days, Val goes for walks and car rides, and sometimes treats herself to a manicure.

“I’m not going nowhere”

Val doesn’t talk about her promise like it’s a weight she carries. She talks about it like it’s who she is. “This is what I was meant to do,” she said. Caring for Joana and Gabe has brought the three of them closer, and it has given Val purpose. For Gabe, who trusts her like a sister, and for Joana, who trusted Val with her son’s future, her answer is the same as it was the day she made that promise: “I’m not going nowhere, and neither are they. I’m not letting either one of them go.”

Whether you are just stepping into caregiving or have been supporting a loved one for years, you do not have to do it alone. At Careforth, we strive to provide the resources and connections that ensure caregivers feel supported throughout their caregiving journey. Visit the Caregiver Support page, see if you qualify in Massachusetts, or contact us for more information.